Life is full of opportunities to connect, grow, and build something fresh—especially when it comes to friendships and relationships. But let’s keep it real: we can’t fully step into these opportunities if we’re dragging old baggage along. For LGBTQ folks, this can be especially challenging. We’ve all been hurt, misunderstood, or let down in the past, but if we carry those experiences into every new connection, we’re doing ourselves—and others—a huge disservice.
This isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen or shaming yourself for holding on. It’s about recognizing that growth requires lightness. You can’t run into the future if you’re shackled to yesterday. So, how do we let go of the old and make space for the new? I’ve got you. Let’s dive into seven do’s and don’ts to help you drop that baggage and start fresh.
1. Don’t Assume Everyone is the Same
Do: Give People a Fair Chance
It’s easy to think, “They’re just like my ex,” or “This feels like that one friendship that went south.” But lumping everyone together based on your past is a recipe for missed connections. Instead, remind yourself that every person is unique. Take a moment to approach each interaction with curiosity instead of comparison. You might be surprised by what you discover when you stop assuming.
2. Don’t Ignore Red Flags
Do: Trust Your Gut Without Projecting
While giving people a fair shot is important, don’t let that turn into ignoring your intuition. There’s a difference between holding someone accountable for their own actions and projecting your past experiences onto them. If something feels off, take a step back and assess the situation with fresh eyes—not through the lens of past pain.
3. Don’t Let Fear Dictate Your Decisions
Do: Embrace Vulnerability
Fear of rejection or betrayal can keep us walled off from amazing possibilities. But here’s the truth: vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Be open. Share your story. Let people in, even if it feels scary. Not every risk pays off, but the ones that do can change your life.
4. Don’t Hold Onto Resentment
Do: Forgive and Release
Look, forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook; it’s about freeing yourself. Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Let that energy go. Write it down, talk it out, or work it out, but make the conscious choice to release what’s weighing you down.
5. Don’t Overthink Every Interaction
Do: Stay Present
Overthinking is the enemy of joy. I know this too because it has been my inner saboteur for most of my adult life. “Did I say the wrong thing?” “Are they losing interest?” Stop. Breathe. Stay in the moment. Overanalysis creates distance where there doesn’t need to be any. Focus on what’s happening now, not what might happen or what has happened before.
6. Don’t Expect Perfection
Do: Appreciate Progress
No one, including you, is perfect. I’m especially talking to us overachieving Virgos. Friendships and relationships are about connection, not perfection. Celebrate the small wins—a good conversation, a shared laugh, or a moment of understanding. Growth happens step by step, not all at once.
7. Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Help
Do: Invest in Your Emotional Health
Sometimes, we need a little backup. Therapy, support groups, or even a trusted mentor can help you unpack old feelings in a healthy way. You don’t have to do this alone. Investing in your emotional health isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.
Letting go of old feelings isn’t just about making space for new people—it’s about making space for you. You deserve connections that feel good, relationships that empower you, and friendships that uplift you. But those things can’t find you if you’re holding onto the past like a shield.
Start small. Take one step at a time. You’ve got the strength to let go, the courage to move forward, and the wisdom to create something new. So drop the bags, my friend. The future is waiting, and it’s looking bright.
Now go out there and make it happen because you’ve got this!
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