Let me tell you something right quick: Love is a shape-shifter. Shows up in different outfits and walks in through unexpected doors, sometimes uninvited, sometimes overdue. For us gay, lesbian, and queer folks, love can be incredibly layered. It’s political, personal, spiritual—it’s not just about who you hold at night; it’s about who you are when nobody’s watching.
And look, we don’t always get the exact roadmap everybody else does. Ain’t no sitcoms or fairy tales that prepare you for your first queer heartbreak or that one summer love that low-key saved your life. We have to piece it together—through chosen family, long convos in the club bathroom, and the one auntie-friend who really sees you.
This list ain’t gospel, but it’s close. These 12 types of love? Most of us meet at least a few of them. Some stay for a season, some for a lifetime, and some? Well… they just come to teach. Either way, each one is a mirror. Let’s go on and look.
1. The “Am I Really Gay?” Crush
This is that confusing, sweaty-palmed, heart-jumping mess that had you spiraling. Usually, your best friend, somebody older, or someone who just stayed on your mind for no good reason. It ain’t even about romance yet—this one is about identity. It’s a secret you keep even from yourself until one day, you can’t.
2. The Fantasy Love
Ain’t nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy. But this one? It’s all vibes, no substance. You’re in love with the potential, the curated persona, the idea of who they could be—if they were single, if they were gay, and if they actually knew your name. You end up rehearsing imaginary conversations like you’re auditioning for your own drama. Cute for a minute… but don’t unpack there.
3. The Messy Situationship
This one got y’all out here spiraling. Y’all not together, but everybody thinks y’all are. There’s sex, there’s feelings, there’s confusion—and probably some passive-aggressive Instagram stories. It’s that “we not dating, but don’t you dare talk to nobody else” type of foolishness. Get what you need, but know when to exit stage left.
4. The First Real Love
Now this one… this one breaks you open. They saw you, chose you, and maybe even introduced you to brunch culture and emotional availability. You probably planned a whole future in your Notes app. And when it ends—and let’s be honest, it usually does—it leaves a scar and a softness. First, real love will have you out here listening to sad songs and deleting pics you secretly saved in your archive.
5. The Fixer-Upper Love
This is the one where you try to be somebody’s savior. They come broken, and you just knew your love would heal ‘em. Nope. Now, you are tired and drained, and you quote Beyoncé lyrics like scripture. Love is not a rehab center, baby. Let folks do their own work. You ain’t got the certifications.
6. The DL/Closeted Love
Chile… tread lightly. This one right here will have your nerves bad. You love ‘em, but they can’t love you out loud. You’re a secret, a side character in their life story. Real feelings might be involved, but if you can’t live in the sunlight, is it really love—or just a beautiful lie?
7. The Chosen Family Love
Now, this love? Solid. Steady. Ain’t always romantic, but it’s intimate in ways folks don’t talk about enough. These are your ride-or-dies. The friends that become siblings are the ones who hold you down when your bio family won’t. This love doesn’t get enough shine, but it saves lives every damn day.
8. The Situational Love
Y’all were only together because of timing. You met on vacation, or during Pride, or because y’all both got out of long-term relationships and needed something soft. It felt real in the moment—and it was—but it wasn’t built to last. And that’s okay. Not every connection is supposed to go the distance.
9. The Power Couple Love
Two bad bitches linking up. Everybody in the scene has something to say when y’all walk in the room. Love, money, style, ambition—check, check, check. But just make sure y’all aren’t performing the relationship more than living it. A pretty picture ain’t the same as a healthy partnership.
10. The Unequal Love
You loved them more. Period. They gave you crumbs, and you made a meal. You were bending and breaking while they stayed unbothered. Painful lesson, but you needed it. Love shouldn’t feel like auditioning. If you gotta convince them to choose you, they’re already not for you.
11. The Rebound Love
You just got your heart broken, and here comes this sweet, emotionally available human with a warm smile and good intentions. You try to love them right, but your heart’s still stuck in the last chapter. They deserve better. You do, too. Honor that.
12. The Self-Love
Now, this is the one that changes the game. There are no bells or whistles, just you learning to hold your heart. You show up for yourself. You build your peace. You stop chasing people who can’t meet you. And guess what? When self-love sets up shop, every other kind of love starts rising to meet you at your level.
Let me say this in closing: Love will wear many faces, speak many dialects, and sometimes leave without a goodbye. But every form of it has something to teach you, something to take with you.
Don’t be afraid to love, but don’t be afraid to leave, either. Trust yourself. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably ain’t. And if it feels like home? Don’t sabotage it just ‘cause you’re scared. You deserve the kind of love that stays.
Lastly, love will not always look like what you imagined. Sometimes, it’ll show up with a gap tooth, a weird laugh, or a past they’re still healing from. But if it’s real, if it’s healthy, if it honors who you are? Baby, keep it. Because at the end of the day, love is the one thing we all came here to give and receive. Don’t let fear rob you of it.
Leave a Reply